So I’m sitting here watching TV and minding my own business when I hear a car screech to a stop outside, followed by a girl screaming like a banshee. She quiets down after a minute, so I think nothing of it.
Five minutes later, I hear the screaming again, so I open my blinds and look outside. There’s a car stopped in the middle of the intersection, with a guy standing outside the passenger side, and a girl standing outside the driver’s side doors. She is screaming at the top of her lungs like she’s out of your mind, and the guy is pretty much just standing there taking it, periodically interjecting with “let’s go!” and motioning her to get back in the car. Each time he tried to come around to her side, she flipped out and starts screaming again.
Needless to say, I get my autographed Ralph Kiner Hall of Fame bat out of the closet, put my sandals on and walk outside. I’m on the other side of the street and yell “what the fuck is going on?!” He responds with “nothing, buddy, we’re fine.” She was quiet at this point, then she yells out to the guy again, seemingly oblivious to me: “a fucking 18 year old, you piece of shit!”
Ah, we have our answer. The dude cheated on her with an 18-year old. The blonde chick wasn’t exactly endearing herself with all that yelling, let me tell you, though I kind of felt bad for her. But I determined threatening the guy with a bat probably wasn’t necessary. She keeps screaming at him, not even noticing me, and the guy looks like he’s had enough. He starts jogging down the street away from her, as she screams “COME BACK!!! COME BAAAAAAAACK!!!”
He keeps jogging, so she jumps in the car and screeches off toward him at top speed. My thoughts turn from “I wish I had my video camera on me” to “oh shit, she’s gonna run him over!” I start to run after the dude and the car, but I see her screech to a stop next to him on the street and get out again. The yelling continues “COME BACK!!! COME BAAAAACK!!!!!” and she runs down the street after him in her high-heeled boots. She leaves the car running in the middle of the street and disappears down the road, so I wait there for a minute and catch my breath.
About two minutes later, she comes walking slowly back up the street, toward her car. I’m pretty sure she had no idea what was going on around her, so she didn’t notice me and got back in the car. Alas, I won’t be able to comfort her on this night. She drove off slowly into the night, leaving me standing in the middle of the road with my bat, wearing nothing but my PANTS t-shirt and a pair of shorts.
Tune in next week for more True Stories of Buffalo, NY.
Ahhh… Like Spam through an hourglass.