The best quote in the history of the universe

“The claws are very sharp, I guess he mistook me for a tree,” officer Flowers said. “The squirrel was moving at such speed, I didn’t see it and neither did my partner standing shoulder-length away from me.”

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“On any given day, a dozen squirrels scamper on the field at Pat Butler Elementary in Paso Robles, slipping in and out of holes the size of softballs. That may soon end.”

More terrifying evidence of a developing conspiracy.