Crazy Ninja Moves and Spy Stuff

Quick Hits

• The episode begins “Three Years Ago” onboard the boat Penny chartered to find the Island and Desmond, placing “present day” sometime in 2007. If I recall correctly, Ben transported himself to Tunisia sometime in 2005, likely having jumped ahead about one year instantaneously after turning the frozen donkey wheel below The Orchid.

  

  Not much to add to that; just thought I’d point it out for the timeline-challenged among us (of which I would never exclude myself).

• Charlie and Mr. Eko aren’t the only ones giving Hurley’s imagination a hand back in the real world. Ana Lucia returns from the dead to tell him to smarten up and avoid cops at all costs.

  

  The Island’s reach grows ever stronger…

• Ya gotta love Hurley’s I ♥ My Shih-Tzu shirt.

  

• What I loved even more was his use of a deadly Hot Pocket to attack Ben.

  
  Ben is not amused by Hot Pockets

• Ben’s network is ingrained in every strata of society, from the highest halls of power in the government to each and every butcher shop in existence. Meet Jill, his personal butcher/dead body caretaker.

  

  Ben tasks her with keeping an eye on Locke’s body (do any of us really think he’s dead?) while he works to gather up the Oceanic 6.

• Once Lost goes off the air, ABC is gonna be hurting. What better way to save the network than with a surefire smash spin-off hit like, Weekend at Sayid’s?

  

• Miles’ paranormal abilities aren’t restricted to dead humans; he can commune with the spirits of dead animals as well.

  

  The castaways never get to eat the boar he found, however, having to flee an aerial bombardment of flaming arrows.

  

  Speaking of flaming arrows…

• Frogurt, we hardly knew ye. Finally making his network television debut in the premiere, Neil meets his end by way of heart-piercing arrow.

  

  Didn’t really mind too much; he was a vehicle for audience annoyance much like Nikki and Paolo. Better to get rid of him before he wears out his welcome.

• Speaking of Nikki and Paolo, the former’s TV show apparently has a fan in Hurley’s dad. Cheech sat down with a delicious, caviar-slathered sammich and some chips to watch the trashy show about private eye strippers. (I think that’s what it was about anyway; all I remember is that Nikki was half-naked and Billy Dee Williams shoots her. Damn you, Billy Dee!)

  

• Jack Shephard’s cell number, if you need it:

  

  I’m just gonna keep presenting random stuff like this so you can file it away for safekeeping, though I’m sure it will have approximately zero value down the road.

• Here’s some stuff from a juicier category: where’d those three British/Australian/? soldiers come from? Hard to tell in the dark, but their fatigues seemed that of an “older” style, maybe from the 60’s. Led by “Jones,” the uptight band of marauders is about to chop Juliet’s hand off before Locke saves the day with his knife skillz.

  

  Jones demands to know “what [they’re] doing on [the soldiers’] island.” I don’t think the soldiers are there for a leisurely training exercise. Are they part of Dharma’s top-secret paramilitary branch? They seems like the types suited for The Arrow station’s aims to “develop defensive strategies and gather intel on the island’s indigenous hostiles.”

  Based on what we saw of Chang’s less-than-friendly demeanor in the premiere, it would not shock me that Dharma had soldiers in its employ to fight back against the native Hostiles. I suppose these soldiers could be part of the Hostiles themselves, but I don’t remember Alpert and his gang wearing uniforms when they came out of the jungle after Ben’s Purge of the Initiative.

  It could also be just as likely that they’re just another group in the long line of marooned the Island has drawn to it. The Black Rock, Rousseau’s crew, the drug-running Beechcraft, Desmond’s yacht, Oceanic 815, etc, etc.

  While I’m at it, those soldiers don’t seem like the types to launch flame-tipped arrows either. I could be wrong, but perhaps it was the Hostiles wielding the bows. That may be why the soldiers were so quick to start torturing Sawyer and Juliet when they found them. If they’d just been in the heat of battle, I’d certainly shoot first and ask questions later if two strangers suddenly appeared out of the jungle.

• As Brad Pitt’s Detective Mills shrieks in Se7en, “what’s in the boooox?!!” Ben pulls a box out of the air duct in his and Jack’s motel room.

  

  What’s in the box? Is this Locke’s long-awaited “magic box?” Doubtful. Guns? Also doubtful; why would he go to the trouble to hide it in the air duct. Something related to Jack? Ben clearly concealed it from him. I dunno; I got nothin’ at this point.

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