Super Timez

8:10pm All of us start shrieking as Black Eyed Peas descend from the Cowboys Stadium rafters and start “singing” their trademark, imaginative lyrics like “let’s do it, and do it, and do it, and do it…and do it, and do it, and do it, c’mon yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

8:13pm Former Guns ‘n Roses guitarist Slash gives us a brief respite from “doin’ it” with a “Sweet Child o’ Mine” guitar solo. Not much of a respite. I’m going into the kitchen to get more nachos.

8:16pm Usher emerges from the spaceship doubling as a stage. That’s it. Al Qaeda wins.

8:21pm Dancers wearing white cardboard boxes on their heads have rushed the stage and started dancing in unison. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. I think someone spiked our beers with ecstacy and/or acid.

8:40pm Just emerged from a trance. I have no idea what happened in the last 20 minutes. Time for football again. Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall gets hit in the nuts. His outlook for the second half and child-bearing both look doubtful.

9:00pm A pretty solid commercial from Chrysler reminding us Detroit has not yet crumbled to the ground. Aside from a tweaked-out-looking Eminem looking ready to beat someone, this was one of the better ads thus far tonight. Well put together and it’s a poignant reminder of the Motor City’s faded glory. Like the rest of the country’s economy, let’s hope it can recover some of it.

9:03pm Steve just started making various random noises and sound effects on the couch next to me. Now he’s yelling unintelligibly. HAMMERTIME. I’m about five Miller Lites and five pounds of nachos in and am starting to slow down. Forgive me if my remaining entries consist of random characters and feature an overreliance on pictures of chimps.

9:22pm An excellent commercial from the NFL featuring memorable TV characters sporting digitally-applied football jerseys and apparel. Kramer is a Bills fan!

Figures Buffalo would get saddled with a borderline nutjob with racists tendencies. GO BILLS!

9:33pm I salute you, Bud Light. I can only hope next year’s commercials feature nothing but animals acting like humans plus humans acting like animals (i.e. shrieking).

9:45pm Everyone in the room is 48% asleep right now…must finish diary…must eat more chips… We are old.

9:51pm Why isn’t Green Bay running the ball right now? They had a good thing going in the 1st half and Pittsburgh wouldn’t be nearly as close as they are now if they’d kept things going on the ground to chew up the clock. Instead they’re chucking the ball around like they’re down three touchdowns.

10:05pm SUCK IT BEN III. I think we all expected Roethlisberger to throw out some late game magic and at least get a shot at the end zone. Alas, we have one of the quieter endings to a Super Bowl that I can remember in recent years, with Big Ben throwing incomplete on 4th down and Aaron Rodgers taking a knee as the Green Bay Packers are anointed world champions. No raping for you tonight, Ben.

Alright, well, that was one of my shorter diaries but I hope you enjoyed it all the same and got some laffs. I will strive to update this site with more content in the coming days/weeks/2012 as long as you keep coming. Until next year, I bid you Happy Bean Dip Day.

Past Super Bowl diaries:
Super Bowl XL | Super Bowl XLI | Super Bowl XLII | Super Bowl XLIII | Super Bowl XLIV