Always remember '84

Save Kenny Rules of Play

1. The Henderson Law (1868)
Clause 1: Jeff’s team will always be “the winner.”
Clause 2: The opposing team (vs. Jeff’s team) will always lose.
Clause 3: If there is a questionable call, it will be ruled a re-do.

2. Collision Theory (1818)
If there is a collision between two opposing team members, there will be a re-do called.

3. Kenny Clause (1996)
If Kenny is ever taken, he must be treated fairly and eventually returned safely.

4. Madden Motivation (1760)
If Ross goes insane or leaves the game, any item transactions will be rendered null and void.

5. Re-do Rule (1480)
If there is a re-do called, the play must be re-done.

6. Super Stipulation (4)
If a team member finds the actions of an opposing team member objectionable or overly malicious, they must fight in a battle to the death*…of a family member.

7. Alligator Allegation of 1924
If an alligator is caught walking within the field of play, the game must be suspended. Then, the alligator must either be shot or tranquilized, depending on materials available. (Also, call the zoo.)

8. Arrive derci Accord (1010)
When the game is over, all outstanding debts will be paid in full, unless other arrangements are made 28 hours in advance.

*A battle to unconsciousness may be substituted when necessary.

It's a real fixer-upper

For those of you too impatient to wait any longer, here is the first official pic of my new place!

I live right next door to a young entrepeneur named Sanchez. I’ve yet to discover what he actually does to make all his money, but he offered to show me his entire operation, and told me I was welcome to sample his product anytime. One strange thing I’ve noticed about him, though, is that he scratches his neck a lot and has “the crazy eyes.” More later…

Packing Sucks

I’ve finally found and closed on my new place in North B-lo/Kenmore, on Colvin, about a half-mile from Delaware Park. It’s a badass 2-bedroom with some phat, decent space. I’m exhausted/pissed from beginning to pack all day, so that’s all I’ve got for now. Pics and further updates as I start to move in next week.