Speed 2: Cruise Control | D

director: Jan de Bont
starring: Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, Willem Dafoe

Another Hollywood “cash in on the popularity of an okay first movie” sequel, Speed 2 features the same taut, exciting action–except on a cruise ship taken over by an insane Willem Dafoe! I caught this on cable the other day, not remembering how bad it was. Basically, Bullock and Patric are on vacation (on said cruise ship), and having a lovely time until nutjob Dafoe takes control of the ship with an elaborate series of remotely-detonated smoke bombs (that’s right: smoke bombs). Anyway, after some brief and altogether unnecessary exposition of his motives, the movie basically consists of a series of shots of the cruise ship sailing toward objects. Insert shot of cruise ship going fast; cut to shot of oil tanker; cut back to cruise ship going fast; cut to shot of oil tanker, slightly closer; cut to shot of cruise ship going fast; cut to shot of oil tanker, seemingly a hundred feet away; cut back to cruise ship…you get the idea.

Despite the cruise ship being about a hundred yards away, it takes about 20 minutes for it to reach the tanker. This sequence is essentially repeated with a seaside commerce area a few minutes later. All in all, shots of “boat going fast” take up about 78% of the movie.

I haven’t said much about the acting thus far because, well, there’s not much to say about the acting. Despite all this, it’s worth seeing solely for Willem Dafoe’s fantastic, maniacal laughter at the end. Sandra Bullock’s easy on the eyes, too. Oh, and font like this indicates the movie will be fraught with fast-paced, exciting action!!!! RUSH HOUR HITS THE WATER!!!

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