Category: Miscellaneous

Crash stirs swarm, sending 10 to hospital

Thursday, August 3, 2006; Posted: 10:25 a.m. EDT (14:25 GMT)

OSSIAN, Indiana (AP) — A teenage driver crashed into a hollow tree and stirred up tens of thousands of angry honey bees, creating a swarm that sent her and nine others to the hospital.

“Those bees were mad,” said Volunteer Fire Chief Kent Gilbert, who was stung at least 50 times while trying to pull the 16-year-old driver from the wreckage. “I’ve never seen bees, especially honeybees, attack like that.”

* * *

“You can’t really train for that. You don’t really know. You look for downed power lines. You don’t look for a million bees,” said Master Trooper Bob Brophy, commander of the Indiana State Police’s Fort Wayne post.

Bee expert Stan Grove, a biology professor at Goshen College, said the insects are most active in warm weather when they furiously fan their wings to cool the temperature of the hive.

“They don’t like to be jostled,” Grove said.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/08/03/bees.ap/index.html

I think so.

By way of FARK.com:

Lost and Found
Student recovers squirrel-stolen ID, Residential Life apologizes for employee’s insult
By Justin Fritscher
April 19, 2006

Greg Joubert held his recently found Tiger Card Monday on the Union’s front steps. It was the same card a squirrel stole 2 1/2 weeks ago near Joubert’s Louise Garig dorm room.

Joubert, industrial engineering freshman, recovered the card shortly before leaving for spring break from East Laville’s lost and found.

“It was found by a tree near East Laville,” said Joubert, who transferred to the University from Georgia Tech this semester.

Meagan Stewart, Joubert’s girlfriend and communication studies freshman, said an anonymous student turned his card in to East Laville’s front desk, where she works.

“I was going to take my shift, and one of the guys said, ‘I found squirrel boy’s ID,’” Stewart said.

Stewart said the student found the card in the garden in front of the dormitory.

“[The squirrel] somehow got the ID to East Laville,” Joubert said.

Joubert said he dropped his ID card from his third-floor window to his girlfriend below him on the ground. He said the card landed on the ground, and before Stewart could get the card, a squirrel snatched it and climbed a nearby tree.

“She heard a chirping noise and saw this flash,” Joubert said. “I guess he was thinking he could make a home out of it.”

Stewart said she was bringing Joubert some groceries when Joubert dropped the card to her.

“The sun was in my eyes, and I saw a blur,” Stewart said. “I heard the ID land, and it happened really fast.”

Stewart said she saw a squirrel dart up a tree with something in its mouth.

Joubert said he had heard about the aggressive nature of local squirrel before transferring to the University.

“I just got here this semester, and I heard before how crazy the squirrel were,” Joubert said.

Joubert said he has received attention from the squirrel incident.

“I never thought it would turn into this two weeks later,” Joubert said.

He said some friends from Atlanta, where he attended Georgia Tech last semester, heard about the squirrel’s crime and Joubert’s misfortune.

The squirrel’s theft had instigated a complaint by a Residential Life administrator, which was later followed with apologies.

“I got an e-mail apologizing later followed by a phone call,” Joubert said. “It was awesome that Residential Life was asking me for forgiveness.”

Joubert replaced his card shortly after it was stolen.

“What was funny was getting the new ID card,” Joubert said. “I said, ‘The squirrel took my ID. Do I still have to pay for a new one?’”

Joubert paid $15 to replace his squirrel-stolen card.

Joubert said he has learned his lesson.

“I haven’t thrown my card out of the window since,” Joubert said. “I come down the stairs for now on.”

http://www.lsureveille.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2006/04/19/4445c0b7b0f84

So I’m sitting here watching TV and minding my own business when I hear a car screech to a stop outside, followed by a girl screaming like a banshee. She quiets down after a minute, so I think nothing of it.

Five minutes later, I hear the screaming again, so I open my blinds and look outside. There’s a car stopped in the middle of the intersection, with a guy standing outside the passenger side, and a girl standing outside the driver’s side doors. She is screaming at the top of her lungs like she’s out of your mind, and the guy is pretty much just standing there taking it, periodically interjecting with “let’s go!” and motioning her to get back in the car. Each time he tried to come around to her side, she flipped out and starts screaming again.

Needless to say, I get my autographed Ralph Kiner Hall of Fame bat out of the closet, put my sandals on and walk outside. I’m on the other side of the street and yell “what the fuck is going on?!” He responds with “nothing, buddy, we’re fine.” She was quiet at this point, then she yells out to the guy again, seemingly oblivious to me: “a fucking 18 year old, you piece of shit!”

Ah, we have our answer. The dude cheated on her with an 18-year old. The blonde chick wasn’t exactly endearing herself with all that yelling, let me tell you, though I kind of felt bad for her. But I determined threatening the guy with a bat probably wasn’t necessary. She keeps screaming at him, not even noticing me, and the guy looks like he’s had enough. He starts jogging down the street away from her, as she screams “COME BACK!!! COME BAAAAAAAACK!!!”

He keeps jogging, so she jumps in the car and screeches off toward him at top speed. My thoughts turn from “I wish I had my video camera on me” to “oh shit, she’s gonna run him over!” I start to run after the dude and the car, but I see her screech to a stop next to him on the street and get out again. The yelling continues “COME BACK!!! COME BAAAAACK!!!!!” and she runs down the street after him in her high-heeled boots. She leaves the car running in the middle of the street and disappears down the road, so I wait there for a minute and catch my breath.

About two minutes later, she comes walking slowly back up the street, toward her car. I’m pretty sure she had no idea what was going on around her, so she didn’t notice me and got back in the car. Alas, I won’t be able to comfort her on this night. She drove off slowly into the night, leaving me standing in the middle of the road with my bat, wearing nothing but my PANTS t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

Tune in next week for more True Stories of Buffalo, NY.

Washington Post Chat Transcript with Vanilla Ice

Minneapolis, Minn.: Yo Vanilla — do you still rock the mic like a vandal?

Vanilla Ice: Oh, of course, that’ll never stop. A lot of people don’t remember anything since Ice Ice Baby, but I’ve got 3 records out since then and they’re all successes — but not commercially.

Washington, D.C.: I understand that you have both a pet kangaroo and a lynx. Where did you get such exotic pets?

Vanilla Ice: Ya, it’s funny how people found out — my kangaroo got loose. It was on CNN and I was in London at the time. I have a goat, too. The goat pushed the gate open with his head and they both got out and ran around. And the goat and the kangaroo never parted. The whole entire time.

Washington, D.C.: What do you think of Eminem?

Vanilla Ice: I’m glad there’s another white guy out there having success because it’s all been on my shoulders for so long. There’s a lot of talented — white, Puerto Rican or Jew — if you’ve got skills, you’ve got em.

I’ll leave it to Steve to set up one night’s events at the everyone’s favorite local East Aurora haunt, Riley St. Station:

Dannyboy ordered 8 shots of Jager….and the bartender poured out 3. So I said “Came up a little short in that pour huh?” She then proceeded to give me a dirty look and said that I’m cut off. I shook my head, and did the shot once she poured out the rest. 3 minutes later Andy bought 4 beers, and gave me one when the girl turned around to make change. When she came back Andy said he needed another one…for who she asked? He said it was for him since he was a fast drinker. genius! So she told me to put my arms up…I said, are you a cop? So I put my hands up in the air after I put the beer between my legs. Then She told me to stand up. While I was questioning her sanity I was leaning down and putting the beer on the ground…and she didn’t buy the performance. She told me to get out….and started yelling for the bouncer.

So Steve decides to walk all the way home instead of waiting about 30 seconds for a ride. Andy, it should be mentioned, also got cut off because of the dastardly bartender. He stuck around for a bit, or maybe his outrageous turtleneck sweater had taken control of his mind by that point and forced him to stay (more on that coming soon). A short time later, I found Andy near the door of the bar, having somehow obtained two beers (one for his beer, one for his symbiotic turtleneck) despite his illegal alien status at Riley’s. No sooner had I started talking to him than the other bartender chick darts out from behind the bar and zeroes in on Andy like a heat-seeking missile. She yanks the beers out of his hands and says “get out!” before motioning to the bouncers. I should point out that said bouncers were two high school-looking kids who probably couldn’t beat down a drunk paper bag, let alone a drunk guy in an outrageous turtleneck sweater. But Andy, gentleman and scholar that he is, left under his own power. He had his sweet revenge outside, though, hurling insults at the brick wall out behind the building. I think I saw him shake his fist in the air in defiance as well.

Coming soon: more on that turtleneck; and the harrowing tale of Dannyboy’s up-close encounter with the dreaded small mammal attack.

Alright, I was going to go on hiatus until after the new year, but I’ve come upon two items that are too good not to make everyone aware of.

The first has to do with Saturday Night Live, which has been on the decline since Will Ferrell left, seemingly along with all of the show’s good writers. So, color me surprised when I saw what is likely one of the ten best bits in SNL history this past week (Jack Black had the hosting duties). I give you: Lazy Sunday.

Second, Mel Gibson seemingly lost his mind a short while ago, after traveling down to South America to shoot his new Mayan/Aztec/Putanjabi epic, Apocalypto. I offer the following as evidence of his insanity:

Regardless, the trailer for said film has just been released and it looks pretty decent. You can check it out here. Now, about 1:45 into the trailer, a bombshell is dropped as Saddam Hussein is revealed as having a cameo appearance in the film. I sh*t you not. I have no idea how he got time off from his trial, but I’m guessing he threw that hissy fit a while back because, dammit, he had a scene to do and he’s a dedicated professional. Watch the trailer first, and then–ONLY THEN–click here.

Merry Christmas, and baba booey to all of you.

One of the most popular books of the last few years, The da Vinci Code is nearly upon us in film form. The trailer just debuted a day or two ago, and it looks damn good. Much like the trailer for A.I.: Artificial Intelligence way back in the day (I think there’s a log entry back in my archives somewhere), there may be some hidden codes within the trailer itself, though they seem relatively banal.

You can check out the trailer here: http://www.sodarktheconofman.com/

I was recently provided with the business card below, and apparently, Justin’s been moonlighting on the side in an industry that might shock you. All this time, I figured he spent his spare time out in the woods chasing squirrels for dinner, but no–he nefariously misled us all. I feel betrayed, yet still hope to benefit from this discovery….in the form of boxes upon boxes of tacos.

I was given this card on the condition that I DO reveal the identity of my source, this so-called Mexican Deep Throat. Without further adieu, I give you Julio Escuela, purveyor of salsa-filled maracas:

He is clearly a publicity hound, but also has the finest salsa-filled maracas this side of Tijuana. I made a deal to get in on the ground floor of his burgeoning salsa-filled maraca business, for the bargain price of $35,000. I’ll be rolling in the dough before you know it.