Category: Movie Reviews

director: Mike Figgis
starring: Dennis Quaid, Sharon Stone, Stephen Dorff

This one’s a real winner. It’s hard for me to remember the plot, so I can’t really summarize it, but I think it had something to do with Dennis Quaid’s family moving into some old mansion in Hickville. But Stephen Dorff used to own the house and wants it back after getting released from jail. Hilarity ensues.

I think this movie’s worth seeing, if only for the unintentional comedy factor. You can play drinking games centered around the number of times Quaid gives a “what the hell is that smell?” face during the movie. The music is also hilarious–it sounds like a squirrel is being chased by a cat over a piano. And this music comes at the most dramatic points of the movie. The written word can’t quite do it justice, so I recommend you tivo the movie, then fast forward to the last 10 minutes. Enjoy.

director: Peter Jackson
starring: Naomi Watts, Adrien Brody, Jack Black

Peter Jackson’s epic remake of Kong lives up to its namesake with a beefy 3+ hour runtime, loaded with special effects and action sequences. I’m normally a fan of any movie that goes a bit longer, as long as it’s good. King Kong is certainly good, but it would’ve been a much better film with a lot of bloated material cut off, maybe even as much as 45 minutes’ worth. Another couple of months in post-production would have done this film wonders, as there is some spotty FX work at times, and the pacing of the overall film is a little herky-jerky. The other minor quibble is with the soundtrack. I’m not sure why Howard Shore (LOTR’s composer) was let go from the project, as the score by James Newton Howard fails to provide any consistent tone, and it often appears mismatched with what’s actually taking place onscreen.

All that being said, this is absolutely a film worth seeing, if for no other reason than to take in the unbelievable effects work on the giant gorilla himself. King Kong should give Revenge of the Sith a run for its money come Oscar-time next year. It is easy to get past the film’s flaws while watching it, as there is plenty about the film to love.

director: Richard Linklater
starring: Jack Black, some kids

If you’re a Jack Black fan and want to see him at the pinnacle of his powers (which include the ability to kill a yak from a hundred yards away…with MIND BULLETS!), look no further than School of Rock. I think Black is in just about every scene, and he dominates the movie, as he should. He sings/dances/plays guitar a dozen or so times in the movie, and each could easily find a place on a Tenacious D album. School of Rock is hilarious, and actually has some decent music in it, as well as a decent story (but the story is far from important here). There’s something for everyone, young or old. Absolutely worth your time, whether you’re familiar with Black or not, but fans of him will be happier than a pig in shit. Yeehaw!

director: Andrew Adamson
starring: Liam Neeson, Tilda Swinton, some British kids

My opinion on this movie may suffer because I haven’t read the C.S. Lewis series of books, but it seems to be a kind of mess of a movie, though it still manages to entertain. Narnia starts off well in World War II-era London, quickly moves to an estate in the country (where the titular Wardrobe is found). Once it gets to Narnia, the movie tends to bog down a bit, focusing a bit too much on the scenery instead of developing the characters. As the story moves onward, events get pressed together, actions don’t make a lot of sense, and there’s never any real emotional attachment to our heroes. There’s no real emotional payoff at the movie’s conclusion, because I wasn’t really invested in the characters. Narnia will suffer in its inevitable comparison to the Lord of the Rings films, but despite all that, I think it’s still worth seeing.

The CGI is, for the most part, very good; and the action sequences are well done. The scenery is quite good as well, and I think readers of the novels will find it pretty much faithful to its source material. Kids will most likely find this more entertaining than an adult audience, but it’s worth a matinee at least, for everyone else.

director: David Goyer
starring: Wesley Snipes, Ryan Reynolds, Jessica Biel

What a pile of garbage this “movie” is. What started as a promising franchise somehow lost all creative steam in the hands of director/screenwriter David Goyer and ended up as a shell of itself in Blade Trinity. I can’t find the motivation to write too much on this, so I’ll just suggest you stay away from this movie at all costs. Horrible acting, horrible plot, horrible dialogue, horrible direction, horrible music, etc, etc, etc. Every choice that was made in the making of this film was the wrong one, from the director on down. A waste of celluloid. Somehow–do not ask me why–this movie is on my DVD shelf. I think I’m going to take it to my roof later, then set it on fire, crap on it, and then throw it off the building. Maybe crap first, then set it on fire. You get the idea.

director: Judd Apatow
starring: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Steve Carell

Will Ferrell stars as the title character set in a San Diego local news outfit. This is one of those movies you have to stop and watch when you’re surfing through the 806 channels on your satellite dish. It doesn’t matter at what point the movie’s at, I end up watching the rest of it all the way through. Who can forget such all-time great quotes like “It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!” and “…the city of San Diego, which of course in German means ‘a whale’s vagina,'” and likely Will Ferrell’s finest film performance to date equates to a movie not to be missed. The supporting cast is also fantastic, most notably Steve Carell as an idiot weatherman (“Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.”). It’s on 8 times a day on cable, so go find it and watch.

director: Peter Segal
starring: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock

Ya know, I’d ask how this stuff gets made, but I look at the box office this movie did ($100M+) and I guess that’s my answer. This is a steaming turd of a movie, tailor-made for the short-attention span MTV generation. Never mind that this is an unnecessary remake of one of the finest sports movies of all time; it’s simply a terrible movie. I think the most notable thing about the movie was the revelation of Courtney Cox’s newly-crafted yabbos. Well done.

director: Mike Newell
starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Robbie Coltrane, Michael Gambon

‘Aary Potter! makes his return to the big screen in the 4th entry in the Potter franchise. I saw this on an IMAX screen and recommend you do the same if you’re going to see it. Potter and company’s adventures take them through the Tri-Wizard Tournament at Hogwart’s, and the movie primarily focuses on events central to that tournament. Heaps of material have been left out from the book, but rightly so, as it’d be tough to sell a 7-hour movie. Goblet of Fire doesn’t suffer for it, though. It has plenty of character development, and a clear, entertaining plot to make it a successfull entry into the franchise. The acting can be a bit spotty throughout, but the CG and action sequences are the strongest they’ve been thus far. Very entertaining flick, and well worth seeing. Don’t buy into the fact that these are “kids movies” or even books, for that matter. The movies and books work on both levels exceedingly well–there’s something good to be found for all ages.

director: Wes Anderson
starring Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Willem Dafoe, Anjelica Huston, Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum

I’ll admit Wes Anderson’s movies (Rushmore, Royal Tennenbaums) can be an acquired taste, but if you’re a fan of his, you’ll love The Life Aquatic. Bill Murray further validates his status as both comedy genius and consummate actor as the title character; with a great ensemble cast that has become a staple of Anderson’s films. The plot basically centers around a past-his-prime Zissou going on one last expedition to hunt down and kill the shark who ate his mentor. Dry, subtle comedy is the norm here, so don’t see this expecting Jim Carrey-talking-out-of-his-ass comedy.

director: Jon Amiel
starring: Hilary Swank, Aaron Eckhart

This movie rates a “good” F–not because it’s good–but because it’s so hideously bad as to merit worldwide acclaim. You name it, they butchered it: acting, direction, special effects, plot, etc., etc. It is hard to do justice to Aaron Eckhart’s knee-slapping portrayal of anguish after someone close to him meets an untimely demise with words, so I urge each and every one of you to go out and find this movie. You can probably catch it on HBO or your local video store. It’s worth the rental for the Eckhart moment alone. “SERRRRRRRGE!!!!”