We’ll hire a dog to burn down a hospital
“The claws are very sharp, I guess he mistook me for a tree,” officer Flowers said. “The squirrel was moving at such speed, I didn’t see it and neither did my partner standing shoulder-length away from me.”
See also:
“On any given day, a dozen squirrels scamper on the field at Pat Butler Elementary in Paso Robles, slipping in and out of holes the size of softballs. That may soon end.”
Weekend good. Pics up. More later.
Save Kenny Rules of Play
1. The Henderson Law (1868)
Clause 1: Jeff’s team will always be “the winner.”
Clause 2: The opposing team (vs. Jeff’s team) will always lose.
Clause 3: If there is a questionable call, it will be ruled a re-do.
2. Collision Theory (1818)
If there is a collision between two opposing team members, there will be a re-do called.
3. Kenny Clause (1996)
If Kenny is ever taken, he must be treated fairly and eventually returned safely.
4. Madden Motivation (1760)
If Ross goes insane or leaves the game, any item transactions will be rendered null and void.
5. Re-do Rule (1480)
If there is a re-do called, the play must be re-done.
6. Super Stipulation (4)
If a team member finds the actions of an opposing team member objectionable or overly malicious, they must fight in a battle to the death*…of a family member.
7. Alligator Allegation of 1924
If an alligator is caught walking within the field of play, the game must be suspended. Then, the alligator must either be shot or tranquilized, depending on materials available. (Also, call the zoo.)
8. Arrive derci Accord (1010)
When the game is over, all outstanding debts will be paid in full, unless other arrangements are made 28 hours in advance.
*A battle to unconsciousness may be substituted when necessary.
…here they are: pics of my new place.
For those of you too impatient to wait any longer, here is the first official pic of my new place!
I live right next door to a young entrepeneur named Sanchez. I’ve yet to discover what he actually does to make all his money, but he offered to show me his entire operation, and told me I was welcome to sample his product anytime. One strange thing I’ve noticed about him, though, is that he scratches his neck a lot and has “the crazy eyes.” More later…
“Because of a protest at the start by farmers angry over wolf attacks on sheep and cows, organizers shortened the route by 8.7 miles, beginning the race just after the town of Froges, near the Alpine city of Grenoble.”
I’ve finally found and closed on my new place in North B-lo/Kenmore, on Colvin, about a half-mile from Delaware Park. It’s a badass 2-bedroom with some phat, decent space. I’m exhausted/pissed from beginning to pack all day, so that’s all I’ve got for now. Pics and further updates as I start to move in next week.
“The Korea Baseball Organization has been moved to rule that wearing cabbage leaves inside a baseball cap constitutes an “alien material” that may disrupt a game, prohibited according to the organization’s rules, the organization said in a statement Tuesday.”
My weekend has pretty much consisted of two things: packing stuff for the move to a new apartment, and seeing Batman Begins as many times as possible. I can’t tell you how much I loved this flick. Well, wait–actually I can–in an all-new review! Click below! Yeeha! Squirrel!
director: Christopher Nolan
starring: Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Liam Neeson, Michael Caine, Katie Holmes
Batman Begins is not an action film. It is not a comic book film. It is not a drama. It’s a horror film, pure and simple. It’s not about masked serial killers with chainsaws, though. It’s a horror film that truly explores the concept of fear. Whether you’re a so-called “good guy” or “bad guy,” there is always something to fear. How you react to that fear is often what defines you as “good” or “bad.” This horror film uses fear to illustrate its characters–fear defines Bruce Wayne and his unyielding quest to rescue Gotham from corruption and evil–fear is a weapon to keep the weak in line, as crime boss Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson) does–fear is a tangible tool that Dr. Jonathan Crane (Cillian Murphy), as Scarecrow, uses for experimentation and pleasure–fear is what keeps Gotham’s citizenry from taking back their city from corruption and poverty. Batman Begins is about fear and how one lets it affect them. | extended review