Not Super so much as "Lacking Wattage" (LOLZ)

9:00pm – BREAKING NEWS, EVERYONE! Solomon Wilcots tells us the lights are getting brighter and brighter. America can only hope this means he was just hit by a truck and is approaching “the light.”

9:09pm – Joe Theismann wins Tweet of the Night.

9:15pm – I’d be okay if the game ended now. #bedtime #old

Alright, power’s back on.

9:24pm – Touchdown 49ers. Game? Sleepy.

9:27pm – “Honey, crack your nuts now.” I have nothing to add.

9:33pm – 28-20 Ravens after another 49ers TD. Did Roger Goodell/CBS arrange for that power outage?

9:37pm – I’m very confused by that Budweiser commercial.

9:40pm – Wow. Ravens fumble. Baltimore fans are sick to their stomachs. A loss almost feels inevitable at this point. #BlackoutGate

9:44pm – Steve, Lindsey and Melanie are all asleep around me. Cheetos have done their job.

9:51pm – End of 3rd quarter. 28-23 Ravens. Time for a mood check.
Melanie: Asleep.
Lindsey: Asleep.
Steve: Asleep.
Soroka Family Cats: Fidgety.
Jeff: Staring at shiny objects.

10:00pm – Now THAT is a commercial. Kudos to Dodge. No shrieking goats but I could listen to Paul Harvey talk about farmers for hours.

10:04pm – Wowsers. Blackout Bowl Drama. 31-29 Ravens.

10:36pm – Shocked the game got this tight. 49ers seem a little too “wild” to be in a position to win it. Discipline could break down and lead to an untimely penalty or gaffe.

10:39pm – Jim Harbaugh’s a savage nutcase.

10:41pm – Amazing that we haven’t seen or heard from Ray Lewis this entire 2nd half.

10:41pm – Intentional safety time for the Ravens. Phil Simms is entirely confused.

10:42pm – As if on cue, there he is…SANS tears! Bravo, Raymond.

10:43pm – KICK THE DAMN BALL, ALREADY; I NEED TO GO TO BED!

10:46pm – Ravens WR Torrey Smith flying around after a catch like he’s a bird. Melanie quote: “WEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

10:46pm – And the Ravens win it. Ray-Ray is mid-orgasm as he devours the confetti falling from the ceiling.

10:53pm – Just uttered here in the living room: “What the hell is on Ray Lewis’ ass?”

10:56pm – I wonder how many calls NFLShop gets from insane, drunken fans immediately after the commercial touting the championship t-shirt, DVD and towel airs. I’d like a CD recording of those, NFLShop. I can’t blame those fans, though. If the Bills ever win it, I’ll be on the phone immediately demanding 37 of them in a rage.

10:59pm – Just realized the guy doing the hand-signing for the pregame songs is actually Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti. El Choco (Taco), we will miss ye.

steve

11:01pm – While I’m not a Ravens fan, this makes me very happy for Bunny Colvin, Snoop, Prop Joe, Dukie and the Sobotkas.

11:02pm – Ray-Ray goes out with a relatively restrained pronouncement of thanks to Jebus and Baltimore. Let’s end on that note, everyone. Enjoy your lives.

FIN

One thought on “Not Super so much as "Lacking Wattage" (LOLZ)”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.