Super Timez

7:01pm Let’s try for some football commentary. FOOTBALL! Touchdown, Packers. Is this game already over? The Steelers look dominated by this Packers defense thus far.

7:05pm Cowboys & Aliens trailer. I’d be more excited if Harrison Ford hadn’t been phoning in his performances in every movie’s he’s done in the last decade.

7:07pm Lots of, erm, “excited” and “perfectly classy” phrases being thrown around after Big Ben throws an interception. Not many Roethlisberger fans here in the Roes’ living room.

7:15pm Big Ben Rapelisberger looks to be hurt after that last play; slow to get up and walking gingerly on his leg. Portent of doom for Pittsburgh if he’s not his normal self, especially the way Green Bay’s defense is playing.

7:16pm Second only to chimps are commercials featuring humans going, forgive the term, “apeshit.” Bridgestone’s first commercial, featuring an office worker mistakenly believing he replied all to an email, contains enough insanity and incoherent shouting to garner a thumbs up from me.

7:17pm Who is the audience for these commercials? Joan Rivers in a tank top is not what you should be spending $2M bucks on, guys. Invest that money in improving your dogcrap dashboard your web hosting customers use (which may or may not include yours truly).

7:20pm My notebook entry for this time reads, “Pack D looks good.” This is the kind of brilliant football insight you can get only on The Wayward Cynic.

7:26pm Creepy John Travolta is lurking in the shadows of someone’s luxury box, flanked by his albino hitman, Serge.

7:33pm The first truly great commercial of the evening features neither chimps nor whacked-out humans: Volkswagen’s Darth Vader kid is a slick, well put-together piece of advertising that was well worth the money spent in terms of the reputational impact the spot will have. Kudos.

7:35pm Joe Buck “welcomes (us)” to the broadcast booth to watch he and Troy Aikman share some good-natured chat about how much Troy sucks at football and is lucky the Bills let him win two Super Bowls at their expense because they felt so badly for him.

7:37pm Roethlisberger is clearly hurting in the huddle, favoring his right knee. I approve.

7:38pm And of course that’s followed by a huge Steeler first down that keeps Pittsburgh alive in this game. Can someone explain to me why receiver Antwaan Randle El is celebrating that first down like he just won the combined Super Bowl, World Series, Daytona 500, Stanley Cup titles and a lifetime supply of Ukrainian prostitutes? (I dunno where I came up with that last part — I think I saw a spot on ESPN about New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov the other day and immediately think of his harem of Russian prostitutes every time I see him. And yes, I know the Ukraine is not in Russia. Sue me, Baron von Geography McFartypants.)

7:40pm AS;LDKFAS;FDLASPD8UFASD;FLAP8APEGF8AS EJGA8SEGJA;SE8GA;JSE8JA8EPA9A8SUPE98AUGPEA8UG0A9 8EGU0A8EUPA8GUAPEA8SEUPAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


7:41pm The first full trailer for JJ Abrams’ Super 8 looks great. No need to show anything else; sign me up. Aliens + trainz = great movie timez (two people will find that funny).

7:41pm Fox deems us worthy of showing a glimpse of some of Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones’ art collection hanging throughout the stadium’s common areas. Of all the paintings of red squares and ovals I’ve ever seen, these are clearly the most impressive. Well done, Jerry.

This is followed up, appropriately, by a shot of the large crowd that paid $200 a head to stand outside the stadium and watch the game on a “big screen” slightly larger than the TV we’re watching in the living room here. Jerry Jones’ gleeful, blinded-with-greed quote the other day concerning the speed with which these tickets were snapped up only adds to my disdain for the man.

7:42pm I don’t remember what happened here, but judging by the entry in my notebook, we were all excited. (“SUCK IT BEN”)

7:44pm UB’s own James Stark is making us proud of the running back, contributing greatly on this Packer drive.

7:45pm Touchdown Pack. Unless Big Ben’s knee suddenly heals, I think this game’s over, folks.

7:57pm Pittsburgh is clearly reading my notes, as they respond to each of my declarations of the game’s end with a touchdown. No fans of Roethlisberger in the room, but he’s a hell of a gamer.


I’ll be back with the second half of the diary tomorrow, folks, starting with perhaps the greatest affront to music in the history of human civilization: The Black Eyed Peas and their torturous renditions of “Let’s Get This Party Started,” “Where is the Love?” and “Please Stab Me in the Ears with a Fondue Stick.”


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