Massengillâ„¢ Douche of the Week

No, it’s not Joe Theismann this time around. Penthouse, long a bastion of hard-hitting, socially relevant journalism, published an interview with Bills running back Willis McGahee this week, featuring the final nail in the coffin that is his reputation and (hopefully) career with the Buffalo Bills.

First, the “highlights:”

McGahee also said he owes the Bills organization for taking a chance on him.

“I got a lotta love for Buffalo,” he said. “I thank God for the whole situation. I’m trying to make them proud. I’m trying to do some things here.”

Well, hey, maybe he isn’t such a bad guy after all.

When asked about the intensity of Bills fans, McGahee said, “A true Buffalo fan will tell a Bills player, ‘You can’t do this, you can’t do that.’ But once that player performs it’s like, ‘I told y’all he was the best player.'”

I don’t know of too many Buffalo residents who regularly use the term, “y’all.”

All this comes on the heels of a Miami Herald report that McGahee is facing his third paternity suit in two years. He’s paying child support in two cases, and a third is pending. The three children were born between Jan. 2005 and Jan. 2006.

When asked about the possibility of an NFL team in Toronto, McGahee said, “That would be a good situation. Toronto is a beautiful place. But if they’re going to put a team there, they should just bring the Buffalo Bills to Toronto. Case closed.”

Strike Three, Willis. You’ve committed the Cardinal sin above all Cardinal sins for a Buffalo athlete: you don’t diss the city and get away with it. You’ve effectively become poisoned goods and turned the city’s fan base against you with one, simple sentence. Not surprising, as your interviews over the years have shown your intelligence quotient to be somewhere on the level of 4-year old child. Actually, that would be insulting to a 4-year old. Let’s compare your intelligence to that of a retarded cow.

McGahee

Willis talks to the invisible gnome wizard that resides in his helmet

After a couple years of mediocre play studded with a few above-average performances, you seemed to slowly win favor with Bills fans this year by playing hurt and actually showing some semblance of an emotional connection with the result of each Sunday’s games. As the season came to a close, however, stories started popping up about your agent, Douche-of-the-Week runner-up Drew Rosenhaus, seeking a contract extension with a signing bonus somewhere in the $10M range and a yearly salary of around $5-8M.

Your stats for this year, Willis:

No. Yds Avg. Long TD
259 990 3.8 57 6

Those are bad numbers for a 3rd down back, you ass. And you want more money than Ladainian Tomlinson? For what, exactly? I know you’ve perfected your patented move of falling down at the first sign of contact on a run, and no one in the league does it better, but wait–what? That’s not a good thing?

I’m sick of your half-ass play, sick of your stupidity, sick of your agent, sick of your inability to take responsibility for your kids, and sick of your attitude. I’m no saint and not one to judge, but I don’t have a problem holding someone who makes millions of dollars off of fans who live and die with their team every Sunday to a higher standard. And that “higher standard” isn’t exactly on par with the Pope–all it takes to reach it is displaying a modicum of effort every Sunday while showing some respect for the city you play in (by simply keeping your mouth shut). Herculean tasks, I know.

Good riddance; the Bills can’t trade you fast enough for my taste. I’ll take a running back drafted in the 6th round with something to prove over an self-entitled jerk-off like you. Go enjoy your life in South Beach or wherever else it is you want to go (anywhere that has 24-hour nightclubs and high-class escort services), since you “can’t find anything to do” in Buffalo. I guess you’re right, Buffalo just ain’t the happenin’ place to be for someone with a 3rd grade reading level. Here’s hoping GM Marv Levy continues to build this team on the foundation of character and ships this guy outta here, bidding farewell to the last vestiges of former GM Tom Donahoe’s disastrous reign.

One thought on “Massengillâ„¢ Douche of the Week”

  1. wow, what an ass. I love willis because he is a rb on the buffalo bills, but he continues to shoot himself in the foot whenever he opens his mouth. sure, he was gutsy for playing hurt this year, and it was nice to see him in on thrid downs as well, but his attitude clouds over all of that. I would like to see him stay, but for marv and dick to smack some sense into him. unfortunately I don’t see that happening.

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