Category: Trip Reports

Californication: Part Three

Chapter 3: Communing with Nature…and Sushi

When last we left our hero (me), I was dreaming of the deadly redwood squirrel that no one has ever before glimpsed without ending up dead. Waking in a cold sweat, I showered and left the hotel to take another brief walk through Fisherman’s Wharf on my last day in San Fran. Nothing new to report there, aside from the fact the seals at Pier 39 were engaged in an epic struggle to see who could yawn the most. After breakfast, I checked out and met up with Martha for a day full of sight-seeing and tomfoolery.

Our first stop before leaving metropolitan San Francisco was the Palace of Fine Arts, a park/arboretum/museum situated near the Presidio (or at least I’m guessing it is, what with my “extensive” knowledge of Bay Area geography).

Palace of Fine Arts

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Californication: Part Two

The epic recounting of a semi-epic journey continues. Click here for Part One.

Chapter 2: Hills-a-Roni

It was up early today for a bad-ass continental breakfast (yeah) and a stroll around Fisherman’s Wharf. Said wharf is a collection of shops, travel vendors, restaurants and other attractions scant yards from my hotel. Getting into the wharf proper, however, requires one to slip through the dense throngs of “travel agents” (read: illegal aliens getting paid $.25 an hour) trying to get you to go on their cruises and bike tours by jamming signs that say “SAIL TO ALCATRAZ!” in your face. As tempting as that was, I pulled a few spin moves and somersaults and got past the exuberant horde.

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Californication: A Novel


Here beginneth a tale of both frivolity and peril: a recounting of the author’s quest to find the truth behind the many bridges of the Bay Area (see this week’s QotW) and their role in shaping America’s history. In addition, I will tell you about the sweet bread bowl I ate. I also saw some sweet trees and a buncha boats. There you have it–a summary of my entire trip. If that’s not enough to keep your desire for all things Fischer sated, read on for the epic tale that is Californiacation: The Official 2007 California Trip Report by Jeff Fischer, author and creator of, a website devoted to Jeff Fischer and his writings on myriad topics, including Jeff Fischer, who happens to have a website called Ahem.

Chapter 1: Of Airplanes and Alcatraz

Hooray for four-and-a-half-hour flights in seats you couldn’t fit a little person into, jammed against the plane wall by a large woman who speaks in a pronounced southern drawl! I’ll save the rest of my rant against AirTran Airways for another post (sooner than later) and instead focus on the lovely scenery I saw of the western United States while my face was pressed up against the window.

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Cali Day 2: The City

We spent today circumnavigating Fisherman’s Wharf and downtown San Francisco, and encountered seals, a guy in a kilt, a guy in crazy pants, Chinese dogs, innumerable hills, two cable cars, and some more hills. Nary a box of Rice-a-Roni to be found, I’m afraid.

Tomorrow, it’s off to hike a mountain across the bay before moving on to Oakland.

Cali Day 1: Alcatraz

I’m updating from the road thanks to the awesome might of the hotel Interwebz! I’ll hold off doing an in-depth report until I get back to the east coast, instead posting an image or two of note from the day’s events.

So, without further adieu:

I’m having a great time thus far. Until tomorrow…

SoCal 2006

What short, strange trip it was. I shall depend mightily on the use of bullets in this review, as I have neither the time nor the inclination to write six drafts in order to fully expound upon all that I witnessed out West. Bulletsâ„¢: tool of the lazy writer!

  • The flight out was alright, if slightly uncomfortable. Foot-wide seats on Southwest, but hey–at least they’re leather, right? Right? I wouldn’t care if the seats were cobbled together from old, burlap sacks if they’d just make them wider, with a bit more legroom than the current “I will be ridiculously uncomfortable for the next six hours unless I’m under 5-foot-3” width.
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