Part 3: Introduction to Losing Your Money in Las Vegas

Short on Dusel, Martha and Jamie still, the crew made plans to hit the casino and pick them up at the airport later on. Looking back on it, I'm amazed someone was able to get to the airport and pick them up later that night. This recollection is probably due mainly to my impaired perception at the time.

Now is where my recollections of the first day (and of my money) begin to get hazy. We made a trip down to one of the shops in the lobby to replenish our Beam supply (and succeeded in cleaning out said shop's entire Beam supply) and came back to the rooms to finish it off with a few splashes of Pepsi. Now prepared to take the town by storm, we made our way down to the casino, eager to get the debauchery started.

Before I continue, I need to mention that at some point we all got some food at Mandalay Bay. I'm stating this now because I have no idea when exactly this occurred. All I know is that a picture of it ended up on my camera:

Various states of drunkenness

Hobo Andy & his buddy Frank

The casino itself seemed pretty standard, and lived up to my expectations. Row upon row of slot machines on the perimeter of the casino floor, with the blackjack, roulette, and craps et al. tables in the centers. The shouts of craps winners quickly became apparent, and I think Dan began salivating at the prospect of tossing some dice. Instead, I think we wandered around for a while, getting some drinks along the way.

Here is where the story gets a bit ambiguous. At some point, we decide to leave the casino and --lo and behold--there is a stretch SUV limo waiting outside that we all hop into. I have no idea what's going on but am enjoying every minute of it as our drunk bus travels down Las Vegas Boulevard. I remember lots of shouting and there may have been some music playing. My guess is that it was the theme from A Night at the Roxbury OR Free Bird. Feel free to use either song as you're imagining the scene. I'm also pretty sure Ross was yelling "HEY!" repeatedly, as only he can. I should also mention that Andy was wearing his redneck hobo shirt all the while.

Ross reacts to the news that there
are chips in the front seat

The limo ride eventually comes to an end as we arrive at the one and only Spearmint Rhino "Gentlemen's Club," somewhere in Vegas. Everything sped up at that point, as we were herded past the bouncer, tables with people laughing and drinking, lights flashing everywhere and more than a few ladies having wardrobe malfunctions. We took our seats at the foot of the stage and settled in for a few hours.

Three cigars and about 30 drinks later, we left. What's that, you ask? The ending of that anecdote seemed a bit abrupt? Almost as if I had left a big chunk of it out? I have no idea what you mean.


We eventually got back to the hotel in time to meet up with Dusel and Martha but Jamie was nowhere to be found. Apparently, she had gotten bumped off her flight in Carolina so disaster had befallen the trip for the first time. Could the crew recover in time to spend all of their money and live through five near-death experiences? Could Lassie reach the sheriff in time to save Timmy from drowning in the old well? Stay tuned until...right now.